


flush my cheeks, wear me out (your wick won't burn away)

by allisonlydia



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3257687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonlydia/pseuds/allisonlydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla and Laura take a little detour from Silas University life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	flush my cheeks, wear me out (your wick won't burn away)

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday shira! i hope you enjoy it. you are a wonderful, gorgeous human being and it's a pleasure to call you my friend, love ya dork. i tried to pour as much creativity as i could into it, but my brain doesn't cooperate with me 90% of the time.
> 
> title is from 'repine' by pianos become the teeth. check it out, such a haunting song.

The words, _“I saw the great void in your soul and I chose to love all of you,”_ were etched onto her very bones. They were ingrained into the ancient knots of her soul. They helped set ablaze the thunderstorm in her mind, hurling light at her from every direction. In reality, they were whispered into her temple in the early hours of the morning, the brush of Laura’s lips against her skin fusing with the weight of the words, sucker punching Carmilla right in the gut.

Because, honestly, this girl was a fucking _firecracker_. The light to her dark, most had mused, but that was a metaphor used by billions. Carmilla supposed being amongst the ranks of many should be something she should strive for because she was so used to the abnormal. So used to being the abnormal, so used to being shunned and inciting fear, violence and bloodshed. But when it came to her feelings for Laura… Well, a soggy-piece-of-bread metaphor was just something Carmilla could not condone. Would not condone.

The clock blinking at her from the bedside cupboard said 15:37. Carmilla resisted the urge to groan out loud at the sound of pots banging and crashing about just two feet away from her, disturbing Carmilla from her blissful slumber. She could smell grilled cheese, though—even through the grim cocktail of cigarettes and bleach in the shitty motel room they had splurged out on for three days—so Carmilla made herself sit up. Because if there was anything worth getting out of bed for in this world, it was grilled cheese sandwiches.

The drab curtains allowed a sliver of sunlight into the room and it hit the back of Laura’s head and continued down her her neck to the base of her spine. Even the sun was drawn towards her. The gold of Laura’s hair had turned into a kaleidoscope of colour and Carmilla rubbed at her eyes with her palms to make sure it wasn’t the lack of feeding that was making her senses explode painfully with sensation. Nope, Laura was still an unbelievable entity full of sunlight, wide grins and laughter. Figures.

“Morning, Carm,” Laura breathed out when Carmilla ghosted her lips down the back of her neck and across the bare skin of her shoulder. The flyaway hairs at the nape of Laura’s neck tickled Carmilla’s nose slightly and she let out a soft laugh at the sensation. “Sleep well?”

Carmilla hummed into her neck. “I did, thank you. Until you started throwing things about,” she chuckled when Laura reached behind to poke her playfully in the ribs, “Grilled cheese sandwiches? You do know the way to crawl inside my gnarled and blackened heart, sweetheart.” 

Laura huffed noisily. “Go be self-depreciating somewhere else and make yourself useful by getting some plates out.” 

Carmilla rolled her eyes but smiled fondly, placing one more kiss against Laura’s skin before rummaging through the cupboard to the right of where Laura was stood, pulling out two plates that looked sort of clean and washing them herself to make sure.

They wolfed down their food, Laura giggling like a child when she flicked crumbs at Carmilla’s face, which resulted in the vampire scrunching her nose up when they fell into her bra. Laura smirked at her, husking in a voice that definitely sounded like she was mocking Carmilla, “That bunched up little face you make when you’re angry is hilarious, buttercup,” and yeah, she was _definitely_ mocking her.

Carmilla arched a brow at her, “Not as good as my _‘smooth sundance’_ line, cupcake.” They both laughed loudly, leaving their plates on the side as they tumbled into bed, still laughing in-between searing kisses along jawlines and palms holding ribcages together.

Carmilla thought that if the world was to end at that very instant, this would be the ending she would always choose. The ending that would never be the finish line, but rather a pattern repeated throughout numerous lives. Something that their souls would never let go of, not even if they wanted to.

-

“You ever think about it, creampuff?” Carmilla asked Laura in the thawing hours of late morning. The wintery breaths they puffed out became less and less as the sun rose, yet the tip of Carmilla’s nose was still cold, despite being wrapped up in several layers. At Laura’s insistence.

(“Just because you’re a vampire and _you can’t feel anything_ ,”—these words were emphasised with air quotes—“doesn’t mean I want to cuddle a block of ice, Carm,” Laura said in a sing-song voice, holding out a spare winter jacket she had brought along for their little holiday.

“Fine,” Carmilla huffed, holding her arms out as if she were a scarecrow, whilst Laura put the jacket on her.

Carmilla ended up with a beanie and mittens on too, but she wouldn’t tell anyone that if they asked. 

_To the grave_ , she vowed to herself.

Laura bit her lip to keep herself from producing that shit-eating grin whenever she knew that she had Carmilla wrapped around her little finger. 

They both knew it.)

Carmilla was curled up in the passenger seat while Laura drove, a yellowed and dog eared book in her lap. She could see the girl was about to respond when she glanced down. And then glanced again.

“Like what you see?” Carmilla smirked at her. 

Laura sighed, but a smile tugged at the edge of her lips. A shut up spilt from her lips with no malice behind it whatsoever. “Are you reading a _comic book_ , Carmilla?” She raised an eyebrow in scepticism, laughter bubbling from her chest.

“It’s a _graphic novel_ , sweetheart. Not one of those things that Kirsch reads and claims is ‘a revolutionary look into the nature of human survival,’ although I was impressed by the analysis.” The mix of confusion and admiration in her tone was blindingly obvious. Kirsch had blown them all away with his critical analysis of the relationship between Batman and The Joker. “This is something that completely blows superheroes out of the water. It’s about a screenwriter who dies of cancer. It’s called _Signal to Noise_.”

She could feel Laura studying her profile, trying to figure out what she was getting at. So she explained some of the ways in which the graphic novel explored complex themes and used beautiful metaphors and when she looked over to the driver’s side again, Laura was smiling to herself. Carmilla tried not to grin, biting her lip instead. _Thought she was the babbler._

Laura navigated down the highway, turning off at a junction for the _Hohe Tauern_ ; a mountain range in Austria which Carmilla used to come to often in the times where she wasn’t beckoning to her Mother’s every wish.

“What I was trying to ask earlier was... Do you ever think about time? And how it dictates mortality and immortality? Of course you do; how fucking stupid of me. I’m the one who probably makes you think of that.” She sighed and ran her hand through her thick waves. “I’m sorry. Thinking about the future stings.” The words, _‘a future without you,’_ tried to claw their way up her throat, but she swallowed them back down again.

Laura’s hand reached across the gap between their seats—which felt like an ocean if Carmilla was honest—and rested on her thigh. She squeezed it gently.

She started off in the softest, smallest voice, one that was usually reserved for uttering revered confessions into Carmilla’s skin. “Carmilla, I know. I think about it every day, and a part of me wants… t-to become like you.” Her voice broke slightly and Carmilla moved her hand to cover Laura’s. “So that we can make a million more memories which consume and burn and swallow me whole in the best way possible. But another part screams against it and I need to figure out this war that’s waging inside before we do or decide anything. Is that okay? Can I enjoy my day of having a piggyback from you as you haul yourself up an incredibly high cliffside so we can watch the sunset and the night rise, now?” Laura finished, a heat to her words that wasn’t there to start with, confirming that she wholly felt this and there were no lies for Carmilla to decipher. 

“Okay, Laura.” She didn’t know what else to say, what else to _give_ , so she just let the silence wrap them up in its black embrace.

-

**Jolly Red Giant (11:41 am):** just to let you know, the new dean has arrived and is asking for you and laura to come back to campus so he can discuss what happened last term. he wants to know why there’s a giant pit in the middle of his campus and why forest fairies are teaching philosophy

 **Carmilla (11:47 am):** Oh wonderful, have you let Laura know about this?

 **Jolly Red Giant (12:04 pm):** no... i figured you could tell her. just letting you know what you’re in for when you get back. keep laura safe

 **Jolly Red Giant (12:11 pm):** and yourself, too. obviously

 **Carmilla (12:53 pm):** Don’t get all sappy with me now, Xena. I know I can be intoxicating. We’ll be back.

 **Jolly Red Giant (17:38 pm):** ugh could you be any more nauseating

-

The sun was setting, violets, pinks and oranges being chased away by indigo and obsidian. The clouds seemed close enough to touch. They were so high that Laura’s pupils were blown wide permanently. But she was grinning, even if it was a little dazed and anyway, their intertwined hands provided both a constant tether to each other and to the Earth. So she was safe. The crunch of twigs under her boots and the raindrops glistening off of the leaves on the tree opposite them made Carmilla glad she was alive to share the beauty of this moment with Laura. Sprinklings of light snow left over from days ago made it seem as if this moment would be forever suspended in the frozen air. They were sitting atop the _Grossglockner_ , the highest peak in _Hohe Tauern_.

Carmilla swung her legs back and forth off of the edge of the peak, boots suspended so high in the atmosphere that the feeling was almost as intoxicating as when she saw the Northern Lights for the first time. Or when she first discovered the smell of Elle’s perfume. Or when Laura brushed her bangs out of her eye and kissed her forehead chastely. Laura gazed up at the sky as she took photos of the clouds mingling with the stars. 

Carmilla rummaged about in her backpack and pulled out a pencil and the pocket moleskine she always kept with her. She tucked some hair behind her ear while she sketched out Laura’s profile, lit up by the moonlight. Light and dark battled for dominance across the ridges and plains of her face and Carmilla’s breath was stolen from her for a moment. She didn’t need to breathe but Laura brought all those human instincts back until Carmilla was almost fooled into believing she _was_ human.

She was finishing off the shading upon her cheek when she felt Laura’s gaze on her. She was practically bent over the tiny sketchbook, which was really no wonder.

“Can I see?” Laura asked softly. Carmilla handed the sketchbook over wordlessly, just hoping Laura liked it. Her fingers tapped a rhythm on her thigh softly.

A small gasp emerged from the other girl. “Oh, Carmilla, it’s…” She reached out to trace the marks made into the paper but stopped herself. “It’s so beautiful.”

Carmilla flushed lightly and was glad for the lack of light surrounding her for once. “I only drew what I could see. You can touch it, all that’ll happen is a little smudging of the pencil, probably, but that gives it character, in my eyes.”

Laura traced a fingertip across the shadows on her cheekbones.

“You know, you make me feel completely inferior a hundred percent of the time, Carmilla Karnstein.” Laura laughed softly as she handed it back.

“Feeling’s mutual, cupcake.”

They stayed like that, entwined, for what felt like hours, until the sun started to warm their bones all over again.

-

Carmilla loved the anonymity of being immersed in a huge, sprawling city, but she didn’t feel like being anonymous with Laura at her side. So they visited remote places, full of the earth, full of the sound of moving water and birdsong in the foliage high above them.

They visited little towns all over Austria—Alpbach, Durnstein, Halstatt, and many more. Cobbled streets and shimmering lakes filled their minds with visions of the future they would spend together. Because after all this was their beginning, Carmilla figured.

Bookstores, candle shops, second hand stores were all places Laura insisted they go to so she could collect things to take back with her. And when Carmilla had seen what looked like a first or second edition of _Grimm’s Fairy Tales_ in the window of a tiny shop with ice on the inside of the windows, she couldn’t complain. Laura had smirked at her and the words _I told you so_ weren’t even needed. 

They ate shitty food and Carmilla fed on animals whenever she could. They had some blood bags in the trunk of the car for emergency and whenever Laura brought up the subject of Carmilla feeding from her, all she got was a jaw clench and a glare in response with a steely, firm, _“No.”_

They picked out little crystals for themselves, amethyst for Laura and lepidolite for Carmilla. She tried not to roll her eyes because the stones looked exactly the same to her but it made Laura happy, so she tried to make her negativity less obvious.

-

Carmilla was currently sat under a tree—reading a rather large and battered volume of Plato’s philosophy—in Halstatt. Laura was a few metres away, laying down on a blanket, sunlight beating down upon the both of them. The water was golden in the sunlight and the air was infused with the sounds of wildlife all around them. Laura had visited the salt mine earlier that day, squeezing her hand and kissing her cheek, nodding in understanding when Carmilla said no to that particular trip.

“It’s January, sweetheart, you’re not going to get a tan,” Carmilla said amusedly.

Laura made a hissing noise and covered her face from the sun with exaggerated movements. “Me vampire! Me don’t like sun, it makes me sparkle!” Laura whined in her pseudo Carmilla voice.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and went back to reading her book. “I don’t talk like a neanderthal, cutie.” She looked over to see Laura smiling contentedly.

About ten minutes later, Laura sat up and was studying the tree Carmilla sat under. Her brows were slightly furrowed. She got up and started pulling on a few branches, testing their strength.

Carmilla arched a brow. “Trying to become one with the tree, Rambo?”

“Shut up,” she murmured half heartedly. Laura rummaged through her bag and fist pumped in triumph when she found what she wanted. She held their crystals in her palm and two pouches in the other. Carmilla opened her mouth to ask her whether she was about to start on her pilgrimage up the mountain when she _then_ pulled out a rather long length of leather cord, which turned out to be two cords and not just one upon further study.

“You’ve read about wishing trees, right, Carm?” Laura smiled crookedly at her.

Carmilla hummed. “Yes, I have. Even visited a few in Scotland and Sri Lanka. Why do you ask?”

Laura grinned again, all blinding sunlight, with fairy lights in her veins and fire in her palms. “Well, we’re about to make our own.”

And so they wrapped the cords around a tree’s branches, close together so that they could brush together in the wind. The tree was slender, yet its roots could be seen stretching far, and from various photographs they’d seen on postcards, the leaves looked beautiful in the spring and summer. They made sure to pick a tree that was sheltered from the worst of the weather that surely battered the trees in the autumn and winter.

Carmilla ran her thumbs across Laura’s cheeks, cupping her jaw and kissing her ever so softly underneath the tree. _Their tree_ , Laura insisted.

“We can come back here one day and see how they’re doing, right?” Laura whispered against Carmilla’s lips.

“Of course we can, cutie. And… thank you.” Carmilla looked down at their intertwined hands.

“For what?” Laura’s brows furrowed slightly again.

“For giving me a glimpse at our rosy forever.”

-

Laura sent LaFontaine a text, reassuring them of their health and their inevitable return. Danny had been sending texts to Laura every so often, and Carmilla could see the toll they took on Laura. The frown on her face that was usually warded away when Carmilla ran her fingers through her hair wasn’t washed away as easily. They had a _lot_ of shit to deal with when when they got back. Carmilla had pulled up on a dirt track for the night, sheltered by trees standing stock still, like soldiers ready for battle. The stars shone on above them and the moonlight made Laura’s freckles appear like a negative print of the night sky.

Carmilla traced patterns on the inside of her forearm, Laura’s head resting on her chest, the two curled up on the back seat of the car. Their legs were tangled together and a couple of threadbare blankets were thrown across them. Laura scrolled through her Snapchat, smiling at LaFontaine’s photo of Perry and Danny covered in baking powder from head to toe after a sprite had decided to cause some mischief whilst they were baking cakes for the Summer Society members.

Laura smiled sadly and nodded slightly at Carmilla when she asked if she was okay. Her eyes looked as if they were devoid of all colour in the low lighting, gold and hazel lost.

Laura shifted so that she was facing towards Carmilla in her arms rather than away, and kissed her, slow and searing. She licked into Carmilla’s mouth and sucked on her tongue. Carmilla stifled a moan, because she was three hundred plus years old and moaning after twenty seconds would have just been embarrassing, but _holy hell_ , Laura was good at using her tongue. Her hand skimmed up Carmilla’s back until they were firmly tangled in her curls, the palm of her other hand skimming across Carmilla’s stomach underneath her shirt. She cupped Carmilla through her bra and Laura’s hips canted into hers, seeking friction when the vampire bit down on Laura’s lip in retaliation to the ministrations of the other girl’s hands.

They broke apart for air, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths, Laura’s eyes dancing with a blazing wildfire. Carmilla sat up so that she could dust kisses along Laura’s jawline and nip at her earlobe slightly. She ghosted her tongue down the column of her neck, lingering at the spot where silvery puncture marks from all those weeks ago marred Laura’s skin, kissing them with attentive gentleness. Laura’s blunt nails raked paths down Carmilla’s back, and her heart was thumping so loud that Carmilla thought that people in the nearest village could probably hear it. The windows were turning foggy, shutting the rest of the world out until it was only them, flames licking at their insides.

“Laura,” she whispered against her ribcage. She kept repeating her name like a mantra in her mind as she rucked the other girl’s shirt up to her armpits so she could finally, _finally_ wrap her mouth around that rosy nipple, thanking all the gods for Laura’s habit of leaving her bra off in the evening. Laura sighed in contentment, both of her hands reaching up to tug at Carmilla’s hair, attempting to shove her down, down, down. 

“Carm, _please_ ,” she managed to get out around another gasp, as Carmilla sucked at a spot on the underside of her breast. Laura’s chest heaved, and the sheen of sweat across her brow and in the hollow of her throat made her milky skin glow. She looked so _alive_.

Her eyes were flashing obsidian—liquid want—and the flush across her cheek and spreading down her neck made Carmilla want to name that particular shade of pink after her. Carmilla took a moment to commit the image to memory, and it burned across the back of her eyelids as she moved down the expanse of Laura’s stomach, her knees resting in the footwell.

She nudged at Laura’s legs with her side so she could settle in between them more comfortably. Carmilla ran her tongue down the slight line of muscle defining Laura’s stomach, blowing on the trail she left and smiling at how the other girl shivered and twitched at the sensation. She saw Laura’s hand reaching forward to tangle in her hair again but Carmilla restrained her by the wrist whilst she laced their other hands together on Laura’s opposite side. 

Carmilla was also thankful for having the foresight to push the front seats forward so that they had as much room as possible. She peppered kisses on the insides of her thighs and then she was inside Laura. Carmilla heard a gasp above her, feeling more than seeing a hand tugging at her hair insistently. Carmilla’s fingers scissored and her tongue licked at her clit until she came, thighs trembling pillars around her. She was truly worshipping at the altar of divinity, Carmilla thought with a smirk. She kept it up until Laura shoved at her lightly. Carmilla sat back and licked her fingers clean, and smirked triumphantly.

“Wow, you really are _Cat_ milla. Come here, you asshole,” Laura said unsteadily and Carmilla tried really hard not to laugh, grinning wide.

Laura wore the same look of pride and satisfaction ten minutes later when Carmilla cried out loudly, carving half moons into the flesh of Laura’s back when she came.

-

They had been immersed in Vienna for the past two days, Laura taking delight in the fact that Carmilla knew just what food and drink to order, and looked awed—well, surprised mostly—when Carmilla told her that she had actually worked at the restaurant they were sat in just last night.

(“I didn’t even know you could cook, Carm, considering your special diet and all,” Laura had whispered to her when their waiter was out of earshot.

“Cupcake, that is food for survival, this is food for the gods, for the _divine_.” Carmilla’s voice was low with implication and when her lips brushed across the pulse point at Laura’s wrist, the other girl’s eyes widened almost comically.

“Uh… right. Right,” Laura stammered out, and Carmilla smirked particularly filthily.

She proceeded to tell Laura just how divine she was for the rest of the evening, not batting an eye at the dirty looks they got from the elderly couple sat adjacent to them when they walked out.) 

Carmilla had been to Vienna multiple times but knew where to take Laura and they agreed on most of the places. They had been there almost six days and they had saved the best until last: visiting the botanical gardens. Laura’s camera was slung around her neck and Carmilla’s sketchbook was clutched tightly in her hand as they made their way through the entrance. Immediately, she was hit with a cacophony of smells, sights and rich, lush colour. Laura’s mouth was slack, and Carmilla tapped her chin lightly and Laura immediately closed her mouth, looking apologetic. Then slightly pissed off at Carmilla’s amused smile.

“You never quite get used to the bombardment of sensations this place throws at you, not even after three hundred years,” Carmilla said as she wrapped her hand around Laura’s wrist, dragging her towards the section which showed all the plants native to Austria.

Her father had taught her all about the natural ingredients of plants that would help her survive in the wilderness if she should ever need the knowledge, and she was telling Carmilla all about this, pointing at all the different species.

“Should’ve known you’d be the Florence Nightingale type.” Carmilla smirked when Laura folded her arms and scrunched up her nose.

“Knowing about medicinal herbs is not something to mock me about, _Mircalla_. I may save your life one day because of it,”

“Oh, you trying to one-up me now, Hollis?” The vampire arched a brow.

Laura smirked. “I think I already demonstrated my prowess in that particular area last night, Karnstein.”

And then she walked off to go see the ‘Exotic Plants’ section, leaving a slack jawed Carmilla in her wake.

-

Laura insisted they take a photo—no, wait, _selfie_ —together before they headed back to Silas. So Laura had uploaded the photo to Instagram: Carmilla in a grey beanie with her arm around the other girl’s waist as she kissed her cheek, Laura grinning wide. It was a nice photo, Carmilla had to admit, lit up by the orange hues of the sunset as they made their way back to the car after they left the botanical garden.

“Did you have fun on our trip?” Laura asked from the passenger seat, her fingers brushing across the back of Carmilla’s hand resting on the gearstick.

“Sure did, sweetheart. Did you?” Carmilla smiled at Laura as she launched into a flurry of sentences about how LaF, Perry and Danny were going to be so jealous of the things they’d seen and done, featuring various hand gestures. She could drown in her light.

Carmilla really was a lot in love with Laura.

“I love you, Laura.” That wasn’t something she voiced out loud often, because each time she did, Carmilla was afraid that the joy, the weightlessness, _everything_ would be ripped right out of her chest and the darkness would become all she would and could ever be, all over again.

But when Laura squeezed her hand and said, “I love you too, Carm,” she couldn’t help but think that flinging herself into the unknown was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a lot of new writing coming up for you all and i'm really excited about it. i'm 3000% invested in legend of korra and i may or may not be writing a band au korrasami fic (i totally am and i'm so pumped about writing it with nikki.) again, thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed it.


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